I'd finally found the place.
It had definitely been an adventure getting there in my new car. The Santa Cruz mountain roads were windy and
very hilly (death to the novice stick shift driver) but, I made it in one piece. As soon as I walked down the road, I saw all
sorts of other staff members unloading their cars and moving stuff in. I scanned the crowd looking for Steve but I
didn't see him. Yet as I walked up Hamburger
Hill, unsuspectingly, I ran smack dab
into him. I surprised him so much that
he dropped the package he had been carrying, which was from his parents,
spilling the contents. Unfortunately for
him, the much needed boxers and socks they sent him were littered all over the
ground. We both got quiet immediately at
the sudden awkwardness and then he laughed, breaking the silence. "Don't
look at those!" he snarled
playfully with a laugh while quickly picking them all up. I was beet red of course, totally embarrassed
by seeing him again for the first time and uneasy about the "personal"
contents of his package.
But I quickly forgot all about the package because in the
next instant, before I even knew what was happening, he grabbed my hand and
pulled me in close to him wrapping his strong arms around me. Immediately, I got lost in his shoulders and
his chin rested on my head. "I'm
glad to see you," he whispered softly as he grinned down at me. The moment was brief but it was
significant. For except the recent driving
lessons, when he occasionally had helped me to shift leaving my fingers
tingling, it was the first time he'd ever really voluntarily touched me at all
in the whole six months. It was
definitely the first hug he'd ever given me, that's for sure. And as he held me close, for those few
seconds, I felt like the luckiest girl in the whole world.
* * * *
Camp Orientation was going really well. The first night we were all woken up at 3 am
and were forced to hike to the top of Pine Mountain (team building I guess). It was a bit crazy but, a lot of fun. After that we headed to the Central Valley to
Space Camp where we did a lot of team building exercises, got to know one
another a bit better and spent the warm nights just hanging out. One of the nights we all were up late playing
basketball. One by one people started
heading off to bed until there were just a handful of us left. Soon enough the last person left and it was
just Steve and me. I had no idea what
time it was but I was pretty sure we weren't really supposed to be out. However, I also had a premonition that this
might be the time when Steve would get the courage to talk to me about us. So I rode on that feeling and continued to
shoot baskets with him for awhile.
Just when I was ready to give up on him and go to bed, he
asked if I wanted to talk for a bit.
"Finally!!" I thought to myself. We sat on some cement steps and he began talking. "Well, I have a hunch that you and I
want to be more than just friends."
I smiled broadly and he continued talking about how he had liked me for
some time but wanted to make sure he understood my heart, see how I acted over
time and discern whether or not I genuinely loved the Lord. I laughed inside because I knew I had been
doing the same. I also knew I wasn't
going to pursue him. So that was another
reason I had been silent and just waited.
After him talking for a bit he suddenly looked up, with a worried look
in his eye and said, "Wait, I'm right aren't I?" I laughed out loud and quickly put him out of
his misery. "Of course! I've liked you for many months now. But like you, I wanted to make sure I knew
you were the real deal. I needed to see
you through some seasons to get a good feel for what kind of man you really are." Relieved, he then continued and we talked for
some time.
We discussed our desire to only date with the intent to
marry. Neither of us wanted to mess
around with something that couldn't potentially lead that direction. Not that we knew for sure we would marry each other but, that's what we had spent so
much time ahead of time doing, trying to discern if the other person was
suitable. Because if that was the case, once
we got to know one another a bit better, then our end goal was marriage.
Our talk was a bit awkward at times as we stumbled through
logistics, what we thought about each other, what Steve wanted our relationship
to look like and what I felt about his thoughts. But even though it was awkward, as we felt
our way around, it was a talk that was needed.
We needed to define things, get things out in the open and finally be
honest about our feelings. It felt good
to tell him with confidence that I really liked him and it was exhilarating to
know he felt the same.
After awhile it was really late and both of us knew we shouldn't
be out any longer, especially by ourselves.
So he walked me back to my room and gave me a quick hug. Those arms...I just loved being in his arms. We still hadn't decided what we "were"
yet. We had just finally admitted our
feelings. I knew we'd figure it out in the
coming weeks. We decided to keep things
a secret from the surrounding staff for awhile so that we wouldn't be a
distraction to them or to any campers.
But to us, we were a secret no longer.
And as I fell asleep that night, I couldn't stop thinking about him
saying those silly little words to me, "I have a hunch you and I want to
be more than just friends...Wait, I'm right aren't I?"
* * * *
"Lady friend?!
Lady friend? What kind of cheesy
name is that?!" I thought to myself
as we walked out of church. It had been
a week and a half since we had admitted we liked each other and the obvious unknown of what we "were"
was becoming apparent. All morning,
while we visited Steve's home church, he had introduced me as his lady friend and
after awhile I was straight-up annoyed.
Either I'm his girlfriend or I'm not.
But lady friend, no thank you.
We climbed into the car to make the trek back up into the
beautiful Santa Cruz mountains and I remained quiet wondering how to bring up
my annoyance at not having an official title and not knowing exactly where I
stood. It wasn't my job to make the moves,
that was his deal but, I was definitely feeling a bit uneasy about what my
place was.
"You're really quiet, " Steve ventured. "Are you doing okay?" After taking a deep breath, I finally spilled
what I was thinking, "Yeah, I guess I'm just not sure exactly where we're
at. I'm mean, what 'are' we? I know we like each other and everything but,
where are we going from here?"
Steve paused for a bit and then answered. "I've been wondering the same
thing. I haven't been sure what we
should do this summer since we're in the middle of camp and stuff but, I'm
starting to see that being in limbo is a bit strange." I nodded in agreement.
The roads were getting windier and the trees thicker, as we
made our ascent toward camp. The silence
hung in the air as both of us sat there pondering what our next move should
be. I was determined to let him figure
it out since he was the leader and he was trying to discern the wisest thing
for us to do. Should we remain friends
for the summer and wait until we got back to Cal Poly to be official so that we
weren't distracted from our jobs at camp, or should we take the plunge and officially
start dating now?
That's when he looked over at me with a determined look in
his eye. He had made a decision. "Nikki, will you be my
girlfriend?" Immediately I
answered, "Yes!" And then we
both started laughing. "That wasn't
so difficult was it?!" He
said. I agreed it wasn't. "But I still want us to keep things
quiet." He went on. "The worst
is when people start dating at camp and everyone gets all wrapped up in their
romance. This is between you and me and
maybe a few other pertinent people who will need to know, like our roommates
and some Program Staff. But other than
that, let's keep things very quiet."
I thought that was wise and so I agreed.
It wouldn't be easy dating on the sly but, I knew it'd be simpler to do
it knowing exactly where I stood rather than just being some sort of "lady
friend." This way, even if it had
to be mellow, I'd at least know I was important.
The rest of the ride up was a relief. I had a place in his life and he had a place
in mine. Knowing that, I felt we could
face whatever God had for us that summer.
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